i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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