While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
