When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
