my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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