Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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