we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
