omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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