The maid of honor just puked.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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