Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
