Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
