So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
