$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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