Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
