I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
