he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
