I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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