So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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