i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
