morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
