i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
