if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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