I have demons in me.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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