i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
