I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
