Your dad touched me again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
