I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
