I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
