I heard we made out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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