Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize