She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
