Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
