I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
