I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
