you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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