Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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