Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
