This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
