He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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