It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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