Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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