Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
