I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
