Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
