I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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