sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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