Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
