I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
