Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
