I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
