plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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