I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize