do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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