im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
