If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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