I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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