Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
