one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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