I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
