There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
