They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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