This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
