he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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