New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
