she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the condom got lost in my hair
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
