3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
