Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
