so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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