you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
