I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
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Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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