What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
