all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
