i think my mom watched the whole time
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
